Playing in rock bands for over twenty-five years has been the best of times, and the bane of my existence at times.

Like many, my rock and roll journey started as something young, sober, and fun. 

Learning how to play, enjoying the camaraderie of “being in a band,” and then eventually enjoying the “benefits” of being in the band. I indulged.

It then aged into something dark, drunken, and artificial.

Drinking and drumming, in that order, was the order of things. Delusions and illusions were ever-present. I over-indulged.

I mainly remember scattered moments, brief interludes, and only versions of the likely reality I weaved through.

About five months into sobriety, a trusted friend from the program asked: “You still playing in the band?” After I confirmed the answer he already knew he said: ”Good luck with that.” First, I was pissed. Then, I was scared. Finally, I knew what I had to do because I knew what he was trying to tell me.

I made the choice to walk away at the height of it all before I crashed and burned beyond return.

After several years of continuous recovery, I was able to return to the pastime that I’ve devoted so much of my time to over the years. I’ve come full-circle, but I indulge differently.

Today I’m older, sober, and it’s mostly fun again.

It feels familiar, yet foreign at the same time. It’s better, yet bittersweet.

It’s like an old car you’ve had for years. You appreciate it. It’s comfortable. It serves a purpose and adds value to your life. But, you’re not as excited about it as you once were. The paint is a little faded and it has a few dents. You keep it though because you’ve invested a lot time and energy into it. It’s a part of your story.

Nostalgia fuels this vehicle.

And although I don’t fully enjoy “the band” the same as I once did, I also don’t resent it as I once did either. The pay-off is less, but so is the pressure. The camaraderie has diminished, and the conversations seem trite at times. The euphoric recall of the old days is ever-present, but out of reach. Sometimes I question why I still do it, but the love of playing still remains. My favorite part is when I’m perched behind the kit, three or four songs in. I feel confident there and in my element. I know this space. I know this feeling. It feels good. And I can finally truly feel it today. That is a gift.

Although the highs aren’t as high as they once were, the lows aren’t low enough to qualify as “lows” anymore. It’s more balanced. I guess everything is… And maybe that’s sobriety’s greatest gift of all.

So tonight will be another late night hauling gear, tweaking sound, and finding the groove. There will be smiles and sweat, and there will be just a bit of regret.

It’s just another night. Another snapshot in the scrapbook. But today, I’m not stuck in a rut. I’ve driven out of that ditch, and I’ll drive home sober. I’ll remember the gig. Just like I’ll always remember the lessons learned from drinking and drumming…

Stay tuned-in…

Tom Leu, MS is a sober rock-n-roller writing, speaking, and coaching about communications and recovery strategies. The RockStarWay™ delivers Lifestyle Initiative Training™ resources to rock your business, brand, or band!

©2012 Tom Leu

GN’R produced a gutteral and gritty sound, and a street-rock cred that contrasted their Hollywood hair band contemporaries of the late 1980′s. A closer look uncovers the nuances of GN’R's success saga by highlighting 6 deft distinctions applicable to any business, brand, or band:

1. Talent. GN’R consisted of an eclectic mix of diverse individual talents that came together and produced a musical landscape that transcended the parts. These guys incorporated a melting pot of influences and flavors into their music set them apart from the first notes of their first album. Their collective musical talent far exceeded any one individual’s contributions. They knew this and ran with this. People noticed.

2. Drive. GN’R demonstrated an desperate hunger for success combined with a tremendous and committed work ethic. As much as they played hard, they also worked hard. To them, their “work” was their play. The lifestyle that inspired and infused their music was the sum of the work and play simultaneously. They lived and breathed their music literally and figuratively. No one and no thing was going to stand in their way… wherever that way led. People noticed.

3. Risk. GN’R always represented a clear and present level of risk within their music and lifestyle. They lived with a nothing-to-lose attitude because they had nothing to lose. An edge was evident from the start that existed from a literal a lack of comfort. Their “f@ck it” outlook and approach was the survial instinct born from having no cushion to fall back on. There were no degrees or pedigrees… the only way out was up. People noticed.

4. Rebellion. GN’R had an unorthodox approach to the status qu0s. From their deliberate departure soncially and stylistically from their contemporaries, to their unique songwriting approach, this group deliberately went against the grain at every opportunity. GN’R created something new and different that was impossible not to notice whether you were a fan or not. But this rebellion was also as authentic as it was deliberate. They wanted to be different; they intended to be different; they were different. People noticed.

5. Branding. The GN’R brand is unmistakable. Dangerous and unpredictable. Colorful and clever. Remarkable and rememberable as the names Axl, Slash, Duff, and Izzy… Their brand mirrored their lives and their lifestyles. Arguably, little of this was contrived. It all coexisted and coalesced into a marketing juggernaut that crossed over from the Hollywood streets into Main Street. Fans can sniff out fakes and phonies. Lasting brands are as purposeful as they are profitable. Lasting brands encite real emotional responses. Guns were real. People noticed.

6. Fascination. GN’R combined immense talent, drive, risk, rebellion, and branding to produce an unparalled fascination with not only their music, but with their mystique. They had what today’s celebrity journalists call the “it factor.” It’s that unquantifiable something that separates the fledgling from the phenomenons. Their contributions transcended the music they made. Regardless of the relative success of current incarnations of ”Guns N’ Roses,” super-groups, or solo projects, the original Appetite For Destruction era Guns N’ Roses remains a fixture of fascination for legions rock fans the world over. People are still noticing.

For Axl, Slash, Steven, Duff, and Izzy, 2012′s induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, like so much else in their collective careers, came with mixed-emotions, controversy, and discord. Say what you will about Axl’s antics, Slash’s celebrity, Steven’s sobriety, Duff’s degrees, or Izzy’s invisibility… these five guys created a legendary rock and roll legacy that will outlive us all.

And that is this author’s definition of “success…”

Stay tuned-in…

Tom Leu, M.S. is a sober rock-n-roller writing, speaking, and coaching on communications and recovery strategies. The RockStarWay™ delivers Lifestyle Initiative Training™ resources to rock your business, brand, or band!

©2012 Tom Leu

Disclaimer: “Rock-Bland” posts are highly opinionated “rants about non-rocking stuff that sucks” according to this author. Fair warning. You are encouraged to comment and share liberally below.

In Tool Time-Part 1, I strongly recommended embracing the 3R’s to avoid being a “tool” much of the time. I was simply advocating doing what you say you will do, when you say you will do it.

Here in Part 2, I’m proposing the 3P’s to lowering one’s “Tool-IQ” for effective communication:

1. Consider if alternatives to your way of thinking are POSSIBLE. Tools have knee-jerk reactions to other options that oppose their own manicured mythology. In other words, the biggest tools have closed minds. They rarely consider alternative approaches or methods that may challenge their own preferences, prejudices, and opinions. Asking the “is it possible” question is always appropriate and necessary. Anything less is foolish and the epitome of toolness.

2. Be POLITE. It’s OK, really it is. Saying ”excuse me” or “thank you” or “please” is a foreign language to the ambassadors of Tool-ville. These words and phrases rarely escape their lips. Why? Two reasons: 1) Unawareness. This type of common courtesy is simply not on their radar… these are the Grade-B Tools. 2) Pride. These types know better, but rarely choose to embrace any appropriate amount of ettiquete. These tools have an entitlement mentality so convincing that they believe they’re better than everyone else … these are the Grade-A Tools.

3. Exercise some PATIENCE. Please slow the f@ck down… in the store, in your car, in life in general. Give others some space. Back the f@ck off. Don’t crowd people in lines. Don’t huff and puff or throw mini-tantrums in Wal-Mart. Relax. Nobody else cares about your starring role in the reality-show in your head. Tools tout their nonverbal impatience for all to see. Tools fail to shrewdly notice their situational surroundings. Tools think they’re the only ones waiting while in a hurry. Tools rarely recognize the importance of timing and having class. When you have one, you most likely have the other.

Great communication results from thinking critically, treating others as you wish to be treated, and demonstrating restraint at times. Not-too-complicated, yet so under-executed.

Why is this so hard for so many?

Because all people (you AND I) are largely self-centered. We’re thinking about ourselves more than we’re not. This gets in the way of being an effective communicator and responding appropriately much of the time because we’re blinded by our own agendas. To overcome this requires a person to embrace the concept of selfless-selfishness. This is the deliberate choice to put the wants of others first. By doing this, you will get what you need second. Everybody wins but only by first reducing the Tool-In-You.

Stay tuned-in…

Tom Leu, M.S. is a writer, speaker, photographer, and musician from Rockford, IL. The RockStarWay™ brand delivers success psychology and Lifestyle Initiative Training resources to rock your business, brand, or band!

©2012 Tom Leu

You get down. You feel out sometimes. You get stuck in ruts… don’t we all.

But this doesn’t have to mean you’re down and out all the time.

RockStars aren’t victims; always blaming. RockStars are victors; always beginning again. RockStars exchange excuses with extra effort.

With this post, this site, this life’s work… I’m daring you to move.

I’m daring you to apply all the common sense you claim.

I’m daring you to reach higher levels of performance and acheive whatever it is you aspire to achieve.

Moving requires taking initiative and being proactive.

It requires being honest with yourself first and foremost. Without this honesty, nothing else matters.

It’s about embracing effective intrapersonal communication skills and understanding your unique psychology.

It’s then about executing effective interpersonal communication skills with everyone you interact with.

This is hard to do. This is often uncomfortable.

RockStars willingly choose to live outside of their comfort zones much of the time.

“Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone.” ~ Robert Allan

RockStars recognize that this is the place where true growth occurs.

We don’t grow when we’re comfortable. We grow when our pain is sufficient enough to WANT to make changes.

“The tension is here | Between who you are and who you could be | Between how it is and how it should be” ~ Switchfoot

So, I dare you to move… outside of your comfort zone…

And, I dare you to move… inside the vantage point where “seeing things” clearly begins…

It’s the tag line. It’s also the call to action.

Your move…

Stay tuned-in…

Tom Leu, M.S. is a writer, speaker, photographer, and musician from Rockford, IL. The RockStarWay™ brand delivers success psychology and Lifestyle Initiative Training resources to rock your business, brand, or band!

©2012 Tom Leu

Disclaimer: “Rock-Bland” posts are highly opinionated “rants about non-rocking stuff that sucks” according to this author. Fair warning. You are encouraged to comment and share liberally below.

I see it and hear it everywhere, all of the time.

Chronic, crappy communication happening between people offline and online via voice mail, email, text, tweet, nonverbal, and face-to-face interactions everyday, in every way. This is Tool Time…

Most aren’t even aware that they are falling short and failing in these areas. These are the “Tools.” These are men and women of all ages, incomes, colors, and creeds. In their world, Tool Time is all the time. The problem is that these aren’t the types of tools that fix things. You can’t fix what you don’t know is broke.

The Urban Dictionary lists several sublime definitions of the word “tool” though none of these deft distinctions accurately fit my application here. So, here’s my definition within the context of this piece:

Tool (noun) – A blow-hard who claims they’re a great communicator, but demonstrates that they are in fact, a  grand self-deluder. A numb-nut who devalues the necessity of sharpening their communication skills ongoing because they “already know all of this stuff.”

To start, here are the 3 R’s to avoid being a Tool most of the time:

1. RESPOND when someone compliments or congratulates you. If someone takes the time to extend a nice gesture your way, the least you can do is say “thank you”. Ignoring this speaks negative volumes about your Toolness. It says you don’t care (even if you do). Failure to acknowledge a shout-out turns into an insult that gets boomeranged back to the sender. How friggin hard is it to take 10 seconds to show that you are not a complete, obliviously insensitive Tool?

2. Be RESPONSIVE to timelines you give or receive. If you say, “I’ll get back to you tomorrow,” then Get Back To Them Tomorrow! Follow-through for f@ck sake… Failure to do so is telling others they are not that important to you, and/or you don’t care if others view you as a large Tool. If you truly do not care about either of the above, then you truly are one of the larger Tools out there and should click-off now.

3. Relinquish need to be RIGHT all of the time. Tools think they’re always right. They’re not, you’re not, and neither am I. Be open to the possibility that you either a) don’t have all of the information necessary, or b) you may have at least some inaccurate information at times. Humility and Toolness are inversely proportional. When the ego is in check, the Tool-In-You has likely checked out.

Don’t be a Tool… check out Part 2.

Stay tuned-in…

Tom Leu, M.S. is a writer, speaker, photographer, and musician from Rockford, IL. The RockStarWay™ brand delivers success psychology and Lifestyle Initiative Training resources to rock your business, brand, or band! 

©2012 Tom Leu

Are you hoping and wishing and wanting something to come true, or come through for you right now? Stop.

Care enough to care less about the end result, and start to care more about the steps of the journey necessary to get there. Not obsessing about outcomes is not the same as not wanting, or not working toward them. Emotionally detaching from the outcome of your endeavors ironically enhances the likelihood that they’ll be realized.

Care less about what you think others think about you. They’re not thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are. Most of them are nobodies from nowhere and are much more worried about themselves than you.

Few ever thought the no-name drummer from the prog-rock band Genesis could successfully replace Peter Gabriel as the lead singer of the band. Even fewer would have bet on the balding and bearded time-keeper would go on to a mega-successful career as a singer/songwriter, solo artist. Phil Collins beat the odds by having the balls and the talent to move into his new role despite the plethora of naysayers.

“I don’t care what you say | I don’t play the same games you play | I don’t care what you say | We never played by the same rules anyway” ~ Phil Collins

When free from the worry and wonder if you’re doing the right things at the right times, the right answers and necessary actions begin to come naturally. Appropriate reactions and effective responses to what happens to you are the key elements that actually foster future success.

So regardless of where you’re at right now… the message is: “It ‘aint over.” There’s going to be another day with opportunities and challenges just on the horizon.

The question is:

Are you ready?

Stay tuned-in…

Tom Leu, M.S. is a writer, speaker, photographer, and musician from Rockford, IL. The RockStarWay™ brand delivers success psychology and Lifestyle Initiative Training resources to rock your business, brand, or band!

©2012 Tom Leu

We are continuing with Part 2 of our very in-depth RockStarWay interview with Michael Corin from Anavox. In Part 1, we were introduced to Anavox’s history, got some insights about lessons learned from the music business, and talked about the ‘thick-skin’ required when pursuing your passions. I mentioned that Michael and I go back many, many years. We’ve spent a lot of time together on the road, in hotel rooms, and at gigs and things over the years in various states. When approaching Michael to do this interview, I knew we’d be able to really connect and get at the heart of what the concept of RockStarWay actually is. I’m talking about it as a philosophy. It’s a way of life. It’s a way of looking at things. We can talk about music in this context. We can talk about business. We can also talk about life in general, lifestyles, and ideas like that within this framework. That’s what these RSW interviews are designed to address, and there’s nobody that I would consider to be more of a “rock star” in a literal sense and in a figurative sense, than Michael Corin. Here in Part 2, Michael and I get into discussions about songwriting, music genres, the lost art of effective communication, and listening skills among other things. Read on…

PART 2

Tom Leu:                Michael, in Part 1 we were talking about Anavox and the history of Anavox up until this point. Anavox has been a Christian/Pop/Rock band since its inception. And this is interesting as it pertains to putting music into genres and categories. People need to label things. It’s human psychology. We have to put things into categories, but those do not always serve us best. So, Anavox is a Christian band, but recently, you’ve also ventured off into the country music market. Talk about that a little bit. What prompted this? How did that come about? And what’s appealing to you about country music?

Michael:                I lived in Nashville for quite a few years, and I couldn’t help it. I got the bug. I think that country music is a songwriter’s music. There are so many tremendous songwriters in Nashville and so many writers get together and work and collaborate and that kind of a thing. There’s a real sense of family. There’s a real sense of unity in that respect. You can’t be around it for very long without getting addicted to that kind of concept. And being able to go to writers rounds and hear other people expressing themselves, and then sharing their music and be inspired by that. For me, as a writer you’re always looking for that next piece of inspiration that’s going to put it over the top. There were so many times that I would go hear artists or songwriters, and then I couldn’t wait to get home and pick up my guitar.

Tom:                Would you say that living in Nashville has been a big influence on you from the country music perspective? And that’s a cliche by-the-way… that Nashville is just country music. Of course, anyone who knows anything about music knows Nashville has a wide variety of musical styles present in that town. Is that right?

Michael:           Absolutely, because as a songwriter, regardless of the genre that you’re in, a good song is a good song. There are people that are there trying to get deals just to be able to write songs for other artists from all different kinds of genres. I loved it. I loved the idea of it. I’ve been writing songs since I was 15 years old and working on trying to be better at that in every way possible. Being in that atmosphere really challenges you to step it up a notch because some of the best writers in the world are there.

Tom:                Do you have to have a different mindset as a songwriter? When you’re sitting down to write a song, do you think, “Okay, I’m going to write an Anavox song, or maybe a song for the Christian market,” or, “Today I’m going to write a country song for that market.” Is there a separation there or doesn’t it matter to you and you just write whatever comes out? How does that process work for Michael Corin?

Michael:           It’s interesting because from the standpoint of faith, there are elements of faith that are laced throughout all country music. That’s very much a part of it. So for me it wasn’t that far of a stretch. There are obviously different things that you do musically, different kinds of instruments and things that you use, but ultimately, it’s about telling good stories. Everyone wants to hear a good story. When you can do something like that inside of the country world, that’s a great thing. For me, stepping from the Christian side into the country side is a fine line. I guess maybe it’s blurred a little bit. It’s not as different as you might think.

Tom:                Is there a Country-Christian version of Anavox in the future perhaps?

Michael:           That’s interesting. I’m not sure. At this point, I would say no. Anavox is a rock band. What we do inside of the Anavox concerts is more straight-ahead rock. But I definitely like to dabble on the country side.

Tom:                I had a friend who exposed me to country music many years ago. I used to give him a hard time about it. I’ll admit that back then I was, like, “No, no, no. I’m not into this country thing. Come on… rock and roll, man, rock and roll!” That was my whole gig back then, and it still is to an extent, but I can appreciate country music today. Some critics of the newer country music say, “Well, it’s not really country. It’s country-pop. It’s country-rock.” That’s another whole conversation. I can appreciate country music and the cleverness of the lyrical content. Some country artists and writers come up with some amazing stuff. They really hit people where they live. It puts me in a place and a mindset that some other genres of music just don’t do, or at least not in the same way.

Michael:           It’s funny, but sometimes I feel like pop music and rock music isn’t exactly sure who she is right now. You go in and out of different times where different bands will be popular because of their sound, or how they create it in the studio, but I think ultimately a good song is a good song. I find that in the country world, you’ve got to have those strong hooks. You’ve got to have those good melodies. Melody is king there. It’s not about just turning on the mixer and that kind of thing where so much can happen and be created inside of a sound. Though there’s a little bit of that in country music, you’ve got to have a strong song. I think that’s where it was so appealing to me. I love that. I love being able to sit down and communicate through songs.

Tom:                I loved how you put that ”pop and rock music doesn’t know who she is, necessarily.” Going back 10, 12 years ago, around the time you started Anavox, the ”music business” was quite a bit different. What’s your take on the landscape of the music business today, the state of the industry? How are you as an artist going to be adapting, and how have these changes affected how you move forward in your career?

Michael:           I had signed to a record label and was pursuing making an album and that kind of a thing. One of the things that I found when I did that was that the label was afraid to take a risk. I think that with everything being so different now, with people buying online and digital downloads and that kind of thing, it’s changed the business pretty drastically because people aren’t going out and buying CDs like they were. This has been a common thing for years. Labels have been trying to figure out how to get their sales up and do things differently than what they had before, and so they are tending now to get their fingers in every area of the pie for an artist.

Tom:                Yes, the so-called ”360 deals,” right? 

Michael:           That’s right. A 360 deal is where they’re going to be involved in every area, from the merchandise to what you do in music sales. It takes away from the artists a little bit. As a result of this, the industry has struggled because they’re just not making the money that they were so they are having to get involved in other areas. What that does for an artist is it kind of takes away from the desire for the record label to take a risk. They want to have an artist that’s going to hit it overnight. It’s going to happen with one song and it’s going to sell millions and millions of albums. Whereas my heroes, the U2′s, the Bruce Springsteen’s and guys like that, those artists were developed over time. It wasn’t until two and three records were released that they were really beginning to build that fan base and becoming known. Now, if you’re not the flavor of the moment that’s going to sell millions and millions of albums right out of the box…

Tom:                Then you’re all done…! You’ve got a single or so to prove it.

Michael:           You got it! I’ve been fortunate enough to play with artists who have had one, two, or even three singles that have been released and have done pretty well. But, you’re just not going to hear from those artists again. It’s an interesting world, and for a guy who got into it because he wanted to be one of those artists who was going to sell 100 million albums, it just doesn’t happen that much anymore. You have to be more innovative, that’s all.

Tom:                Absolutely. Good word… innovative. So what’s on the horizon? What’s next for Michael Corin, Anavox and your music career?

Michael:           As far as Anavox is concerned, I’m going to be continuing to pursue playing out and connecting with people and doing what we’ve always done. It’s very much a part of my heart, to be able to travel and play and release music and that kind of thing. I’m going to be starting a new project within the next couple of months or so. I’m probably going to release a five-song EP and put it out there of just some new songs that I’ve written, more from the Anavox-Rock sound side of things. As a writer, I’m going back to Nashville and network with some friends of mine and see if we can further a writing deal in that world where I might be able to get involved more in the country side of things, too. I’ve had the writing deal with the Christian side of things, but I want to get involved more from the country side. I think it’s important to know what you want and just put that out there. There’s going to be a whole mess of new songs and stuff as far as Anavox is concerned that I’m excited to do. So basically, a little bit of both.

Tom:                 You mentioned networking and really knowing what it is that you want. Knowing what you want…? It sounds so simple, right? But I think it’s something that’s really complicated for a lot of people, maybe even more so for creative people. If you have a hard time telling somebody else what it is that you want or what you do, how much harder is it for them to understand how they can help you? Talk about how important it is to have clarity around your vision, your goals, your pursuits.

Michael:           It’s extremely important, and honestly, I’ve learned that the hard way. Years ago I had a relationship with a very successful businessman who wanted to invest in what I was doing. At the time, as an artist I was just expressing myself. I was young and just writing whatever I could write and doing what I could do. I was excited and we had a good relationship. He looked me in the eye at one point and said, “Michael, who are you? What do you want to do?” I was so busy just doing everything that when he asked that question, it took me by surprise. And I couldn’t answer. As a result, I lost the opportunity to work with this guy who probably would have invested a lot of money to help me do what I wanted to.

Tom:                So he walked away because you really couldn’t answer that question?

Michael:           Yes. I’ve found over time that people want to follow something that is clear-cut. You know, the Scriptures say you can’t serve two masters. I think it’s good to be diverse in what you do, but I also think and I’ve learned that it’s very important to have a laser-like focus on what it is that you want. When you have that and you’re bold in that, I think people will follow that.

Tom:                Good stuff. I would agree. And again, as I’ve said before, this stuff is easy to say, but hard to do, especially earlier in a career or when we’re younger. I don’t necessarily mean earlier or younger as in chronological age. I’ve talked to people who are in their 40′s, 50′s, or 60′s even, who are finally just figuring out who they want to be, and what they want to do. I’ve use ask the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” in my writings and talks frequently. We’re all asked that as kids. It’s a little question with big implications.

Michael:           For sure.

Tom:                Now, you’ve had the good fortune to have met some really key people over the years, not only in Nashville, but in other places. These are some music industry high-rollers; people who are in a position to help you, and have helped you. You said you’re planning to “reconnect.” Talk to me about communication skills. I know that might sound rather academic, but it’s a big theme of the RockStarWay and what I talk about and write about frequently. I argue that one of the most important, if not the most important skill-set that any of us can possess is to be a great communicator. To maximize that chance meeting at the coffee shop, or at the grocery store, or at the party with the person who is in a position to help you… How important has it been to you to have a grasp of, and a level of communication that transcends the average? How truly important is communication to get to where you want to get in your life and your career?

Michael:           That’s a great question. Personally, I think it’s the single most important thing. I’ve found that you obviously want to be good at what you do, and you want to perfect that craft to the best of your ability. But there comes a point in time, that moment of truth (to use your phrase), where you’re face-to-face with an opportunity. You’re face-to-face with a person that could really help to take you to the next level. Your ability to connect with that person and to communicate who you are and what you want with passion is vital. I think that’s what separates the men from the boys. It’s those moments where you take advantage of an opportunity and can really come through with what it is that you want to do and then of course deliver from there. I think for me, those moments have been vital in all that I’ve done.

Tom:                Knowing you for so long and seeing you in action, so to speak, I would attest to that. You have one of those “gifts-of-gab” as they say. I’m not necessarily just talking about the kinds of communication skills that allow you to be able to speak in front of a group of people or sing on a stage. I’m talking about the subjective types of skills where you’re having a conversation with a person one-on-one, and you’re able to notice and use what’s going on in that moment, in that environment, in that situation. You’re picking-up on the nonverbal cues and the body language that others might miss and you know when to go in, and when to pull it back. You know when to press, and when to pause, if you will. It’s those kinds of communication skills that are most important. Being a college instructor, I’ve had the good fortune of being able to frequently study this stuff in real-time within my classes and with my students. This has personally helped me improve in this area over the years. I think it’s a journey that hopefully we’re all progressing on together. But to be honest, what I’ve found frustrating is that a lot of people think they’re really good communicators, when in reality, most are not. If you ask ten people if they’re good communicators, and I’ve done this repeatedly in my classes, most will say “Yes, I am.” But I always press them for what it really means to be a good communicator. Michael, do you think most people are good communicators?

Michael:           No. In fact, I was going to say exactly what you just said. I think that most people think that they’re great at it, but they’re not. The reality is that there is a need to be able to read where people are at, an ability to sit down and communicate, and like you said, notice the nonverbal communication as well. And really, I’ll tell you what, so many people are so busy in life thinking of the next thing that they’re going to say, that they don’t stop to listen.

Tom:                That’s an interesting point. But often, those are the exact people who think they’re great at this communication thing and don’t require any additional training. Yet, in my opinion, these are the folks who need it most.

Michael:           I’ve found that so much of it is really being able to sit down and listen to where someone is really coming from, and be sincere in your communication with them. It doesn’t matter if it’s music. It doesn’t matter what it is. You’re going to do so much better in life and succeed in life to such a greater extent than you ever would, if you can learn to listen and learn to really be aware of where the other person is at.

Tom:                Great words that you mentioned there: ”aware” and “awareness.” Again, a lot of the stuff that I write and speak on is about raising awareness to these kinds of things. These critical communication skills and the psychology behind the ways that all of us interact. We’re on a planet of about 7 billion people or so, and we’re bumping into each other physically and in cyberspace these days. And like never before, we are seeing the importance of having great communication skills and being more aware. I like how you talked about listening. Everybody thinks they’re good listeners too. It’s another one of those things that I challenge people on. I ask: “Do you understand the difference between hearing and listening?” Hearing is an auditory thing. But listening has more to do with comprehension, empathy, and understanding. There’s a big difference. Listening takes a lot more work. For most, it’s a lot harder to really listen than to hear.

Michael:           Yeah, and you know what? In the world that we live in, like you said, with all the media and everybody having their iPhones and texting constantly, people have such a short attention span. It is a conscious decision to be present in a moment with someone. I think that when you do that, it does a couple of things. Not only does it allow you to have the edge in terms of how you communicate, but I think it also communicates the respect from you to that other person, that you really genuinely care about who they are and what they’re saying. And when you do that, it speaks volumes, especially in the world we live in today. I was in a restaurant recently with a friend of mine that I hadn’t seen in a long time. I was so excited to spend time with this friend. This person spent the majority of the conversation on their cell phone texting someone else. They didn’t mean to be rude, but it was incredibly rude. I think it’s just the awareness of going: “Okay. I’m going to just be present in this situation.” When you do that, it’s so rare anymore. I mean, people really, really appreciate that you know?

Tom:                I do know… So to really listen to people and be present is a skill that can really make or break somebody. I’m glad you shared that example. Being very aware of these types of situations, and monitoring how you are coming off to other people is hard work. But worthwhile work IF we put the effort into it…       

→ Stay tuned-in for PART 3 of the RockStarWay™ interview with Michael Corin of Anavox…

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Tom Leu, M.S. is a writer, speaker, photographer, and musician from Rockford, IL. The RockStarWay™ brand delivers success psychology and Lifestyle Initiative Training resources to rock your business, brand, or band!

©2012 Tom Leu

I’ve long been fascinated by the factors that separate the famously successful from everyone else. I’ve been reading biographies, watching documentaries, and studying successful muscians, actors, entreprenuers, and artists for years to learn about their journey’s and uncover what sets them apart. A main staple of my content here at RockStarWay is to share what I learn…

Rob Lowe, one of the original 1980′s “brat-packers,” has had a long, and storied career in both film and television spanning over three decades. To me, he continues to epitomize the tenets of the RockStarWay as an enduring acting icon. His autobiography, Stories I Only Tell My Friends, includes the riviting details about his career-launching, yet arduous audition process for the Francis Ford Coppola flim, the Outsiders in 1982.

“There were days when I would’ve liked to have faced lower expectations and less pressure than learning at this particular level demanded.” ~ Rob Lowe

This story made clear to me that two things must happen for people to achieve any type of “success” personally or professionally. First, you have to consistently take action and do what most others will not do. And second, you must be able to deliver results in the midst of the inevitable stress, angst, and anxiety that follows.

I’ve heard it said: “Nothing hurts a failure but a try.” 

You must be deliberate about putting yourself into uncomfortable and uncertain situations at times. These are the types of situations that have you shaking in your boots, figuratively and literally. Extraordinary outcomes only come from first making choices that most others will not make. These are the difficult decisions, and ensuing actions that have the great potential to expose you to ridicule; and to place you in very vulnerable positions that make you a target for scrutiny and criticism. You’re thinking: “Am I out of my freaking mind?” The answer is… YES, you are out of your mind, and waaay out of your comfort zone. But, this is the place where most worthwhile happenings, happen…

But, it’s at this point that the majority of people will opt out because it’s easier. Very often, our natural instincts are to go small; to get invisible when faced with challenges or change. Instead, the best go big. They run into, instead of run away. They then deliver the goods.

At some point, we all find ourselves alone on the “stage.” So how do you NOT get so shaken that you cannot perform?

1. Feel the shake. Let it be. Don’t run from it, lean into it. You not only have to be willing to face it, but you must also embrace it. Let it help you by allowing it to push you to higher levels of performance. Turn it into positive energy, not just negative anxiety. It’s a friend, not your foe.

2. Focus on what the shake really is. It’s fear. But fear of what? When you boil it down, it’s simply the fear of looking bad or of being “wrong” in the eyes of others. That’s it. Once you understand how base and universal these fears really are, they are much easier to manage and overcome. Everybody has them… EVERYBODY. Take comfort in knowing that fact, and let it empower and embolden you.

3. Let #1 and #2 fuel your performance. Channel that energy into executing what your hard work and preparation has positioned you to do. You’ve earned the right to deserve it, and to reap the rewards.

Stay tuned-in…

Tom Leu, M.S. is a writer, speaker, photographer, and musician from Rockford, IL. The RockStarWay™ brand delivers success psychology and Lifestyle Initiative Training resources to rock your business, brand, or band!

©2012 Tom Leu

A groove is hard to explain but easy to understand when you’re feeling it. To groove is positive. But to really learn how to “groove” takes practice.

“Music, oh music, such a funky thing | The closer you get, the deeper it means” ~ King’s X

Our thought processes and habits of thinking are made up of grooves as well. We all have well-traveled roads, deep ruts, trenches, and tracks in our minds that guide not only our thinking, but our behavior. These well-worn paths and patterns of thinking affect every aspect of our lives. 

Our minds are like machines and our thoughts are things that have energy.

It’s not superstition, it’s science. It’s not just philosophy, it’s fact.

So monitor your thoughts and manage your emotions to maintain a healthy outlook on your life. Always look for, and get into a groove that gives more than it takes. Remember… what you think about you become.

Welcome to the Groove Machine!

Stay tuned-in…

Tom Leu, M.S. is a writer, speaker, photographer, and musician from Rockford, IL. The RockStarWay™ brand delivers success psychology and Lifestyle Initiative Training resources to rock your business, brand, or band!

©2012 Tom Leu

When referring to stepping up, accomplishing goals and making dreams a reality, people generally fall into one of three categories:

1. Those that DO: 

Doers don’t ask, they just act. They don’t declare, they just do. They are the embodiment of persistence as evidenced through their enthusiasm for what they do. They may be fearful at times; they may have occasional doubts; and they periodically get down; but this is often short-lived as these kinds of people have an inner strength that transcends their circumstances. Quite simply, they become successful because they HAVE to. Not doing what it takes is NOT an option. Not doing what it takes is more painful than the doing.

2. Those that DON’T: 

These are people who are victims, not victors. They constantly make excuses while rarely executing anything. They reject responsibility and routinely place blame. They are usually a part of the problem and unusually a part of the solution. They are quick to tell you why not and slow to tell you why. They may have dreams and passions, but they lack the courage to really pursue them. It’s easy to dream. It’s hard to continually muster the necessary courage, often in the face of opposition, to persevere and see things through… to do what they say can’t be done!

3. Those that THINK they DO:

This is arguably worse than #2 because the illusion exists that real progress is being made when it really isn’t. Most of these folks are convinced that they’re making progress because they are “busy” all the time. Their to-do lists are quite long, but their real output toward high-payoff activities is low, although they don’t see it that way. They frequently confuse busyness with productivity. They ARE NOT the same thing. These are the people that do a lot of talking about what they are going to do, what’s gonna happen, and what their plans are. Planning and preparation are good and necessary to get things underway, but ultimately, talk is cheap. You’re either DOING what you say or you’re not.

To paraphrase Tony Robbins: ‘When you’re constantly saying you should be doing this and should have done that… pretty soon you’re shoulding all over yourself.’

Make up your mind; talking and taking action are most often mutually exclusive.

So which kind of person are you? Which category do you find yourself in most often?

And is that OK with you?

Tom Leu, M.S. is a writer, speaker, photographer, and musician from Rockford, IL. The RockStarWay™ brand delivers success psychology and Lifestyle Initiative Training resources to rock your business, brand, or band!

©2012 Tom Leu